Thinkin' About You
by alex-of-macedonia
Summary: The events of Disney's Frozen, as told from Elsa's POV. (Yes, this leads up to incest. If that weirds you out, please don't continue reading.)


**A/N:** This was basically just me getting a feel for the Frozen characters before I try tackling more in-depth stories that I have in mind. Other than that, idk what this is really.

I kind of tried fitting some of the tumblr Elsanna Week prompts in here, so you'll find Nightmare, Cuddling, First Kiss, and Secret Admirer (that last one was the over-arcing theme I had in mind). There isn't much dialogue, but a lot from Elsa's POV. Again, this was my first attempt for a Frozen fanfic, so hopefully it's okay.

* * *

It began in small looks, glimpses stolen in the heartbeat between moments. She knew she had to stay away, put on a show, but in those hidden moments, where only she knew where she was, Elsa felt almost safe in being near her sister.

The first couple of years were the hardest, and she could see that their separation was worse on Anna. The younger girl didn't understand why her big sister seemed to hate her all of a sudden, and sometimes when Elsa would sneak into Anna's room to check on her, she could hear her sister moaning in her sleep. "Elsa… No… C'me back… Please… Wha'd I do?…" Knowing she couldn't comfort her sister squeezed the blonde's heart, but she couldn't go against Papa's commands.

A few times, early on, she had tried arguing against the ban. As she got older though, Elsa knew she really did need to stay away from Anna lest she hurt her again.

She had comforted herself in the knowledge that Anna was happier without her. On sunny days Elsa would look out her bedroom window and see the small redhead running around in the garden, climbing trees, chasing their pet dog. The sight would bring a smile to Elsa's usually solemn face, until Anna would turn just so and the sun would highlight the platinum streak in her hair.

_'She's better off without you,'_ Elsa would tell herself. _'You can't hurt her again if you keep your distance. Conceal, don't feel.'_ Every time she reminded herself of that, the icy armor would strengthen just a little more, grow just a little thicker.

The day they received news of their parents' deaths, the wall around Elsa's heart almost shattered. She knew her baby sister would need her. It had been years since she'd last snuck into Anna's room at night, but when the curtain of darkness had fallen and she knew it was safe to tiptoe out of her room, she crept across the hall and gently turned the doorknob.

In the middle of a large four-post bed lay Anna. She had cocooned herself within all of her blankets, one foot sticking out one end. Elsa silently moved closer to the bed, peering over the bundle at her sister's face. In the moonlight shining in from the bedroom window, she could make out puffy eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. She couldn't help notice though that beside the obvious signs that she'd been crying, Anna was beautiful. She seemed so at peace in her slumber, and Elsa wished she could help her stay that content forever, even during the day.

As much as Elsa had loved her parents and would miss them dearly, she knew Anna's grief would be far worse. _'You're all she has left in this world, and you're a complete stranger to her.'_ Without thinking, Elsa began reaching toward the sleeping girl's head. A second later, the sound of wood creaking brought her attention to her left, where her other hand had been gripping one of the posts on the corner of the bed. Ice was forming, snaking out from her fingers.

Elsa looked back at Anna's sleeping form, her right hand hovering over the auburn hair. She realized that she hadn't put her gloves on before she came across the hall, and both hands were quickly pulled away. Hugging her arms to her body, Elsa reprimanded herself for being so reckless. _'This is exactly what Papa didn't want happening. You're careless and weak against these powers, and you almost hurt Anna all over again.'_

Tears sprang to her eyes and she rushed back to her own bedroom. She didn't know that as she slipped out, Anna had opened her eyes just in time to see a blonde figure leaving.

That was the last time Elsa checked on her sister.

A week later, breakfast was brought to her room as usual, and a note on the tray instructed Elsa to don the outfit that had been laid out for her by the handmaiden and to please join everyone out at the cemetery. She tried taking deep breaths to calm her nerves, but it was no use. She couldn't handle going to her parents' funeral, no matter how much it was expected of her as the heir. She knew she would get overwhelmed with emotions, and she couldn't risk losing control of her powers in front of everyone.

As it turned out, just knowing the funeral was happening was enough to set Elsa's emotions off. Her entire room looked like a war zone by the time she'd exhausted herself and slumped against the door. She didn't realize so much time had passed when a knock on the door behind her roused her from the empty daze.

It had been years since Anna had tried coaxing her sister from her solitude. The sound made Elsa's heart soar with hope that maybe she wasn't as hated as she thought she was. Maybe she could still turn this around.

But no, that wasn't Anna's special knock. It was just a regular one, as if she were knocking on a random person's door. Just as quickly as her heart had filled with hope, it deflated in defeat. There was no turning back now.

"Elsa? Please, I know you're in there." Anna's voice sounded worn out, with a hint of tears ready to break through. "People are asking where you've been. They say 'have courage,' and I'm trying to. I'm right out here for you. Just let me in." Elsa wanted nothing more than to fling the door open and hug her sister, but how could she? Especially now that she'd abandoned Anna right when she needed her most. "We only have each other, it's just you and me. What are we gonna do?"

_'Please, I want to be here for you but I can't. Please go away,'_ Elsa silently begged.

"Do you want to build a snowman?" A sob could be heard through the thick wood, but Elsa was already miles away within her own mind. There was nothing she could do, not without hurting Anna far worse than she'd already done.

In her mind's eye, she pictured the pretty redhead's features twisted in grief, her blue eyes surrounded by bloodshot veins, her lips and nose chapped from constantly using handkerchiefs to dab away the tears.

It would be years again before Anna tried reaching out. Sometimes she would catch a glimpse of the future queen around the castle, but after dealing with their parents' funeral and the mourning period by herself, the younger princess had learned to steel her heart against hoping for any reconciliation.

Likewise, Elsa still watched her sister playing in the gardens or reading in the furthest corner of the library where she'd immerse herself so fully in her books that she never noticed that she was being watched. Concentrating Anna was her favorite version of Anna. She would play with the end of one braid, her knees pulled up to her chest to be able to lay the book across them, and her nose would get this cute little crinkle in it.

It wasn't until the night of the coronation that Elsa finally got to see Anna up close for the first time in forever. She already thought her sister had grown up beautiful, but she hadn't realized just how beautiful she had actually gotten. If she didn't have that strip of blonde hair, Elsa probably wouldn't have recognized her. She had to keep the words from spilling out of her mouth, but she longed to really talk to Anna. _'Maybe after the ball is over, we can sit and I can try explaining. I can apologize for all these years. She has to understand, I did it for her.'_

Things got way out of control way too fast that night. First Anna introduced a man she had just met as her fiancé, and then they started arguing about love, and who knew anything about it._ 'Oh, Anna, if only you knew just how much I really do love you. If only I could make you see that this has been for your sake this whole time?'_ Elsa longed to blurt out. Instead, she accidentally let her powers loose in her panic and exposed her secret to all of the nobles, both domestic and visiting.

She ran. There was no way anyone would understand now. She could hear Anna's voice behind her, begging her to stay, but she'd crossed the line. Elsa knew she could never return to Arendelle. Not like this. She was a monster and she had to flee before she could hurt anyone else like she'd hurt Anna all those years ago and every moment after.

Days later, though, Elsa was surprised to find her sister at her doorstep. She wished she could go back, that her relationship with Anna could be repaired. Yet as much as she wanted that to happen, she'd done too much damage. There was no way anyone could trust her to rule the kingdom.

Still, in the heartbeat between moments, she found herself being pulled toward Anna, toward the one person who seemed to still love her regardless of how much trouble she'd caused. Maybe… maybe she could do this.

_'No. No one is safe from you. They're all better off without you,'_ she reminded herself. With that, she created a giant snow monster to drive her sister and her friends out of her ice palace. She felt bad, knowing her kingdom was covered in ice, but eventually it would all work itself out. It had to.

Elsa didn't know that she had accidentally blasted Anna's heart with her magic until another couple days later, after she'd been captured by Anna's fiancé.

Heartbroken, terrified, the queen escaped from her prison and tried crossing the fjords back toward her palace. Prince Hans followed, yelling things she didn't want to hear yet knew to be true. Her sister was dead. Her magic had gotten the best of her, and she'd finally hurt the one person left in the world who still cared about her. She knew she'd be the cause of Anna's death; why hadn't she sent her to safety after their parents died?

Broken, in more ways than one, Elsa collapsed on the ice and accepted her fate. She heard a sword being drawn behind her, but she was already too numb to care. _'Just make it quick,'_ she prayed.

When death didn't come, but instead she heard the sound of shattering metal, the queen opened her eyes and turned around.

_'No….'_ Her baby sister was behind her, but she was completely encased in ice. Somehow she had saved Elsa with her last breath. "Anna! No!" She scrambled to her feet and laid her hands on the once rosy cheeks. It couldn't be. This had to be a nightmare.

For at least a full minute, the older girl clung to her sister's icy body, sobs racking through her entire body.

Then suddenly, impossibly, the ice under her touch turned back into warm fabrics and soft skin. She felt Anna's arm lower as she thawed. _'Wait, what?'_ Elsa backed up, disbelieving her eyes. Absently, she registered the snowman, Olaf, saying, "Of course! True love can thaw a frozen heart."

Elsa had never been happier. Her sister hadn't died after all. She was safe, and warm, and was hugging back. It was all Elsa could have hoped for out of this whole mess.

The sisters were nigh inseparable for the next week. They both felt they had been apart for too long, and without communicating it to the other, both were terrified to let the other out of her sight, for fear of not being able to find each other again.

During the day, while the queen went about her royal duties with meetings and paperwork, Anna acted as a councilor and a second pair of eyes for perspective on different issues. They ate meals together, walked the castle grounds together, and in their free time they caught up on everything they'd missed from their childhood.

At night, they shared the same bed. Some nights Elsa would wake up in a cold sweat, afraid that her sister really had been killed; other nights she'd have to wake Anna from her own nightmares, registering her name being muttered, interspersed with 'no's and 'please don't leave again's.

At first the older girl was still afraid to touch Anna, but little by little they were able to make sure she had more control over her magic, and before too long they were cuddling in their sleep.

Elsa still stole glances at her sister, always marveling at how gorgeous she'd become. Eventually Anna caught on that the blonde was looking at her when she thought she wasn't paying attention, but she found that she didn't mind.

She also found that she was looking right back, and appreciating what she saw.

Six months after the Great Thaw, upon waking up to Elsa kicking in her sleep once again, Anna pulled her older sister closer to herself. The queen felt slender fingers running themselves through her hair as Anna whispered reassuring, soothing things in her ear.

Then she felt a pair of lips press themselves against her temple, followed by more nonsensical murmurings. Elsa's entire body went stiff, unsure how to react.

Another kiss landed on her forehead, right above an eye. The tingling sensation in the pit of Elsa's chest grew stronger. Her entire body was alive with the realization that a beautiful girl was pressing her body against hers. _'She's your sister, stop that thinking right now,'_ she chided herself.

When fingernails began gliding up and down her arms, causing her nerves to explode in a million different ways, Elsa couldn't stop a moan from escaping her throat.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?" came a hurried response to the moan.

_'You can't tell her she's arousing you. Don't cross that line. You just got her back, don't screw this up.'_ She pulled away from the younger girl ever so slightly. "No, no, I'm fine. I just wasn't expecting… that."

"Do you want me to stop?" Anna whispered.

Elsa wouldn't dare say what she wanted. She couldn't. Shouldn't.

"I, uh… I just think it's inappropriate for those kinds of actions between sisters."

A hand snaked around to the back of Elsa's neck and pulled her closer to Anna's face. "I've seen the way you look at me when you think I don't notice. No, no, don't pull away, I didn't say I didn't like it, did I?"

"Oh."

Elsa was acutely aware of her right hand resting on Anna's hip, where apparently she'd thought was a good handhold to push her body upright. Instead of pulling it away, she used the hand to pull the princess closer. "So you don't mind this…?"

Her answer was a chuckle, followed by an urgent force of a hand on the back of her head, pulling her down.

As she lost herself in their first kiss, Elsa reflected on how she had never dared to dream that she'd have her best friend back, but it seemed that she'd gained back her sister and a lover.


End file.
